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December 6, 2007

早上的夢,常常都記得很清楚
今天早上,
我去了一個...很像裁縫studio的地方

有個女人跟我說,
"因為是你,替你設計了幾件衣服"
先拿出來的是一件低胸大露背閃金花紋的及膝one piece
然後拿了一條粉紅色,絨(像做手正的那一種)做的長褲
她手上拿的是粉紅色,咀裡說的是綠色
而夢中的我,理所當然的說
"是我喜歡的綠色呢"(望到鏡內却是青草的鮮綠色)
然後,那個人又拿出了一件上衣
明明是黃色,却說是粉紅色
我穿上去,又變了粉紅色。

然後,不知怎的,我穿著那一身衣服上了平常上下班的巴士
在青馬大橋上,
巴士突然向下衝,至少有70度角的傾斜
永遠坐上層前座的我,狂叫呀~~~呀~~~
一直衝一直衝,和過山車沒分別,直下之後還轉了一個直角的彎
嚇得我心驚膽跳。
然後,我竟然在海上的其中一座橋墩下車
下了車不久,遠處2座山之間括起了一個巨浪
和那2座山平頭
大浪沒有2秒就來到,
我感到咸水的冰冷
然後沒有理由的,海裡有很多人叫救命
我不停的伸手拉在海裡的人,拉到整個橋墩再站不下一個人

驚醒之後,
想起昨天早上看的一則哲學題

Experiment 28 The Nightmare scenario
     Lucy was having the most awful nightmare. She was dreaming that wolf-lie monsters had burst throught the windows in her bedroom while she was asleep and then started to tear her apart, She fought and screamed but she could feel their clasw and teeth tear into her.
     Then she awoke, sweating and breathing heavily. She looked around her bedroom, just to be sure, and let out a sigh of relief that it had all, indeed, been a dream.
     Then, with a heart-stopping crash, monsters burst through her window and started to attack her, just as in her dream. The terror was magnified by the remembrance of the nightmare she had just endured. Her scream were mixed with sobs as she felt the helplessness of her situation.
     Then she awoke, sweating even more, breathing even faster. This was absurd.She had dreamed within a dream, and so the first time she had apparently woken up she was in fact still in her dream. She looked around her room again.The windows were intact, there were no monsters. But how could she be sure she had really woken  up this time? she waited, terrified, for time to tell.

Source: The first meditation from Meditations by Rene Descartes

The phenomenon of false awakenings is not uncommon, People frequently dream that they have woken up, only to discover later that they haven't really got out of bed and walked into the kitchen stark naked to discover enormous rabbits and pop singers having a cocktail party.
     If we can dream we have woken up, how do we know when we have really woken up? Indeed, how do we know we have EVER really woken up?
     Some people assume the answer to this question is easy. Dreams are fractured and disjointed. I know I am awake now because events are unravelling slowly and consistenly. I don't suddenly encounter dancing animals or discover I can fly. And the people around me remain as they are- they don't turn into long forgotten schoolmates or A1Gore.
     Is this answer really good enough, though? I once had a very vivid dream in which I lived in a little house on a prairie, rather like Little House on the Prairie. Over the hill came someone I immediately recognised as Pastor Green. What is significant about this is that clearly this dream life had no past. I had started to experience it only when the dream began. But that is not how it felt at the time. It seemed to me that I had always lived there, and my "recognition" of Pastor Green was evidence that iI had not suddenly stumbled into a strange new world.
     Now here I'm sitting on a train typing on a laptop.I feel as though this is the latest in a series of entries I have been writing for a book called " the Pig that wants to be eaten". And although I am not currently aware of how I got here, a moment's reflection allows me to reconstruct the past and link it to the present. But isn't it possible I that am not RECONSTRUCTING the past but CONSTRUCTIN it? My feeling that what i experience stretches back into my past history could be as illusory as it was when i dreamed i lived on the prairie. Everything i "remember" could be popping into my mind for the first time. This life, which feels as though it is more than thirty years old, could have begum in a dream only moments ago. 
     The same could be true to you. You could be reading this book in  a dream, convinced that it is something uyou bought or were given some time ago, and convinced that you have read some of its pages already. But people in dreams are just as convinced and their dream lives, at the time, do not seem fragmented and disjointed but make sense. Perhaps only when you awake will you realise just how absurd what seems normal to you right now really is.

這和三千年前的莊周夢蝶沒有分別呀!!!
如果我真的在發夢,可不可以發一些去玩去享受,而不是上班的夢呢???


關鍵字: 上班 救命 地方

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